Johan Slartibartfast Galgoid

Campaign: Hackmaster Basic Sydney

Name: Johan-Slartibartfast Galgoid, The Misunderstood

Race: Dwarf

Level: 2


Thirty years ago

“Johann-Slartibartfast Galgoid.” The name echoed through the cavern, met by thousands of cheering, bearded faces. The lad had drawn a crowd, fast becoming the one to watch after sweeping the earlier events of the competition.

He’d taken gold in the Long Beard and Goblin Punt, set a new record (with an astonishing 73.4% body coverage) in Open Hair and come a close second in the 100m Mine (by only half a day). He was on track to accomplish what no dwarflete had done ever before. He could, in this the eight thousand, seven hundred and twenty-second Dwarflympiad (this number may seem inordinately high, however one must remember the first eight and a half thousand of the games were played on slow Tuesdays at the local tavern, mainly for bragging rights or deciding who had to buy the next round), take a medal in every event.

There was one dwarf, though, one face among the cheering thousands, that did not want to see it happen. In fact, he had staked a large amount of money on that precise thing not happening. Luckily enough for him, he was head of the Underground Syndicate (ask if they mean that literally. Go on. I dare you), the organized crime cartel who were very large silent partners in the Dwarflympics. And so, he did what any self-respecting crime boss would do, given the circumstances. He cheated.

The Boss brought in ringers first, who were soundly beaten in the Pickhammer Throw. He then had the ringers soundly beaten with pickhammers. When that didn’t work, he decided to orchestrate new events far too dangerous for Johann to conceivably survive. After all, he couldn’t keep winning if he was dead. What he didn’t count on though, was Johann being rather more stupid than your average competitor, who all felt the risk outweighed the reward. And so, Johann racked up two more medals by default in both Drunken Night Swimming and the Javelin Catch.

It was during the 3-on-1 Giant Wrestling Handicap match that the Boss finally knew what he had to do. It was really a stroke of genius. He called Johann into his offices. He sat him down. He told him that he had a great deal of money riding on the outcome of the 8,722nd Dwarflympiad. He told him that he wanted him to keep winning. And then he told him, with a wide smile, that every event had been rigged.

The Present Day

Johann eventually found his way to Green Barrow, after three decades of failing to eat himself to death in taverns from Blackspire to Plethria. And he was content to remain there, in his cups, just another legend gone to seed. But he could never quite forget. There was still a little muscle under the expansive waistline, and something of a dream under mountains of regret. He’d get recognized, but less and less frequently as time went on.

Fate, it is often said, works in strange ways. Organized crime, less so. So when Johann heard two shady characters talking about ‘pulling a Galgoid’, his interest was piqued.

“What you do is, when it’s looking like a sweep, bet everything against it happening. Then, you pull in the sweeper, and tell him it’s been rigged all along. He’ll either leave in shame, or you cut him in on it. Of course, you do need to watch for-”

Johann couldn’t hear anything after that, as an angry buzzing drowned out the din of the tavern. He was fairly sure he broke a few noses judging by the blood covering him when he came to, but that would be nothing before all this was through. He pulled out the only medal he hadn’t pawned, “Best and Hairiest”, put it over his head, and walked out the door.


STR: 16/84
INT: 9/14
WIS: 9/03
DEX: 13/31
CON: 13/30
LKS: 9/57
CHA: 8/53
HON: 14 (to be updated)


HP: 29
TOP: 9
Wounds: None

Weapons and Armor

Attack: +2
Speed: 10
Init: +2
Defense: +6
Damage: 2d8p +4

Attack: +0
Speed: 8
Init: +3
Defense: +6
Damage: d12p +3

Leather Armour/Medium Shield:
DR: 2/6


Quirks/Flaws: Glutton, Hairy, Superstitious (rodents)
Talents: None

Universal Skills

-Fire Building: 12%
-Intimidation: 10%
-Observation: 19%
-Survival: 14%

Other Skills

-First Aid: 16%
-Appraisal (arm/wep): 13%
-Appraisal (Gems): 18%
-Cooking: 11%
-Swimming: 19%

Other Info

-Dwarven: ?%
-Merchant Tongue: 17%

Valued Possessions
-Goray ‘The Green Knight’ Caligula’s Map
-Detailed Regional Map
-Scotch (Poisoned?)

Johan Slartibartfast Galgoid

Hack Master Basic Sydney Larry3000